so this is whats going all i been in hell an know im free

my colead abandon our crew which left me to 0-c 8 days straight which they had had to let me have 2 days off to make up for it and those 2 days that i was off she desided to come in and everything went to hell they ended up calling me in while i was playing in the park so i went down there wrote the rotation got bumps going stuff like that, but now they are working on me getting a co-lead thank god, and the stress is lifting because i got 2 acting leads that are amazing i hope they become offical,

now my mom is having a panic attack because my brother leaves for IRAQ AGAIN in october and his daughterwill be 2 in november so he will miss her b-day and x-mas

on a good note 2 ppl i know are getting married which im glade because they are perfect for each other.

also i am freaking out over senior exams that will be coming up and prom right around the corner i got my dress allready the guy im going with he picked it out so it would match his tux

i was in a meltdown mode because my bro and neice was in a car accident luckly they are ok

theres more but im 2 sleepy to write because i just got off of work and i got a government map test to study for tomarrow and i got 1 wensday and a vocab text friday so yeah can you tell im busy? damn senior homework just piles on and i still have a report due for my government teacher on macbeth the play and on how it related to government yeah thats just in one class like i said 2 much more need sleep to catch up i never have anytime anymore for anything and its so depressing i work to much but thats ok prom weekend is gunna make up for it im off that whole weekend and i got plans and partys all weekend my parents allready know about it and are cool with it considering they are planning a trip to vegas with my bro and sis in law haha

im gunna ahve fun 2

i dunno what going on my emotions are going nuts im crying and mad and sad i feel like im about to go nutz
me and my dad got in this hudge arguement which isnt really important then we got in a second one about pictures u know school pictures and how i dont even try to make them look nice or i dont tell them about the dates so they can buy them which no matter what the pictures look like shit and are shit and i dont like getting my picture taken go look in our photo albums barely any of me only when i was a baby i grew up ugly lol anyways yeah and when i told him i hate picture taking and they look crappy allways anyway so i dont see the point he said i was a selfish brat and that he wanted to get some for my grandparents
yea im a brat selfish sometimes but damn this time out of all time i heard him saying hit the most and i have been trying ever since he left for school he takes some college shit anyways lately i been day dreams of what there lives would be like if i wasnt there and i keep only seeing good things now im woundering why the hell im on this earth my life isnt moving in any direction and i been thinging of shit i should be in a mentel instatute for which is starting to scare me really bad i wasnt thinking of hurting anybody just myself i dont know what the hell is wrong with me i just got to get out of here for a while so when i turn 18 i got to leave for just a little i have to if im thinking like this i guess i dunno i just kno i cant take it i dont know why it hurts now more then ever i feel like a mistake and unwanted suprize i dunno maby im over dueing it i just know more then ever i feel like im breaking down and cant hold up i feel like i cant stand on ym own to feet like i shouldnt even be breathing i dunno im starting to scare myself because yeah i get pissed and i get upset but i cool down later and i usually never think like this i wanna blame it as regular teenage shit but i cant and i kinda dont want to i dunno anymore

wow i finally realized how unapreciated i am and feel i try to help people and i usually do but i never get a thank you. oh well i guess i should give up im just not help them anymore they come to me or ask for my opinion and i give it to them theres nothing else for me to do

i give up
(for now)

Happy Valentines day everbody

*gives flowers and candy and hugs and kisses to everybody*

i have been sick for 4 days now *crys* i cant take it anymore